éjszárny zöldi, azaz bán andrás versei

Bán András (éjszárny zöldi) - láz és lázadás (zene is)

ezer álomra szakad szét
tûz és titok a lét
lüktetsz folyton és fájsz
tanulsz élni valakiért

a születés rohadt kín
üvöltve mennél vissza
egyedül vagy kint
belül minden tiszta

az álmokban az élet
valahogy valósabb és mélyebb
az öntudatlan képzelet
színez minden képet

emelj csak egyszer
egyre feljebb
mint megtért cseppet
ereszt a tenger
vezess már el végre a fénybe
hadd érintsem a végtelent

magába olvaszt lassan a világ
kicsit élsz csak mint akárki más
aztán kérdezni kezded a végtelent
és elindul benned a változás

már nem vagy sehol sem otthon
és túl fáradt vagy ébren
aztán álmodni sem mersz már
mert megõrjít a kétely

hibát hibára halmozol
amit lehet mindent megtapasztalsz
hiába küzdesz évekig
hogy értelmet adjál a szavaknak

akarod tudni miért élsz
igazi-e tényleg az élet
porból született senki vagy
aki az illúziói között tévelyeg

már nem mozdulsz már nincs ki ért
már hiába élnél valakiért
már úgy érzed eltapos a sors
és félelem ahol valami volt

egyedül, álok nélkül
reszketek és vérzem
emlékfoszlány a repülés
már csak a hiányát érzem
fekszel és vergõdsz összetört hittel
valaki jöjjön és segítsen
nem tudsz már élni egy kicsit sem



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...és egy részlet Kerouac Útonjából, csak mert szeretem, és talán mást is eltalál: "Azért mikor kinn ülök a folyó lerobbant rakodópartján napnyugtával, és az ég New Jerseynek nyúló sávját figyelem, és elgondolom, hogy az éggel egyközûen épp ilyen hosszü sáv föld ível a nyugati partig, és a földön út vonul, és az út hossza az álma mindenkinek, és lowában, tudom, a gyerekek ilyenkor sírnak, mert ott nem bánják, ha sír a gyerek, azért ne sírjatok, mondom innen, mert a csillagok feljönnek mindjárt, és nem tudjátok, hogy az Isten Micimackó? az ég pedig odébb a prérire hajlik, és hullajtja rá diadémjait, mikor alig tûzte még a fekete éjszakára, a föld áldására, a folyók csendesítésére, csúcsok sipkájául, és elrejti benne a végsõ part titkát, hogy senki ne tudja, mi lesz, csak az öregedés foszló ruháit tudja..." (Jack Kerouac: Úton)

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